Just Go With It

WOW its been almost 1 year since I've made a blog entry and so much has changed in what is really a short time. As many know back in May 2010 I went back to giving tours at Cave of the Mounds on the weekends, it was amazing and did so much for me mentally and physically. I have been very fortunate to learn what makes my MS flare up so early in my diagnoses ....dairy, heat, and stress....being in the cool cave again helped me tons, it was really the only environment where I felt like myself and symptom free. It was something I went back to for myself rather than a "job", now as my friends and co-workers know, I am not there anymore, I come and go like like a boomerang at times LOL. My good friends and family know I'm a risk taker, so back in November 2010 Tom and I decided to follow his job down to Kentucky where he had been working for 2 months, that time alone w/ our 3 monsters was quite the adventure ;) Everything happened extremely fast and when it was already a fast decision it ended up happening sooner than we thought. I went into this move excited to see new places and excited meet new people. Moving down to Kentucky I like to joke that we brought the WI snow with us, although we'd consider it a mild WI winter it was still a lot more snow than KY was used to LOL, so w/ lots of snow like were used to, our winter was normal while many new neighbors in their homes...now that its spring time we're slowly meeting people but I'm finding that people are too shy or I'm too outgoing ;) Although we've been very fortunate to have a very nice young family living below us, its been wonderful to go to the park and for walks w/ our kids. Besides our neighbors we haven't been meeting many new people... at least not seeing the same people twice, its such a large complex that people aren't as close as they are when we lived in a small town where everyone knew your name and then some (which was kind of scary sometimes LOL). The boys are doing great as well, they do miss their friends back in WI but only having each other to play with at times has brought them closer as friends and not just brothers.

Back to MS again, I'm still dairy free and having fun making new dairy free recipes and substitutions; I've even built up an aversion to most dairy products, sour cream for example smells terrible to me. Yoga has been a great natural medicine too, stretching beyond and through odd sensations in my body has become a great feeling, rather than avoid these sensations of sometimes tingling or losing my balance I just go with it, my muscles have become stronger and have learned to compensate during these times. Well I'm sure I've said this before but I will try to blog more often, have a great day everyone or if its anything like my recent gap between entries... have a great year!

Just left with questions

So, way toooo many things have happened and continue to go on and now I am just left with questions......

How low will people go?
Are there any decent people left in the world?
When is enough...enough already?
When have we had enough?
How much can I take?
What will happen next? Will it be good or bad?
When will we get our break?
Does someone have to fall in order for someone else to get a break?

and ultimately ....When does having hope pay off?

My kids and husband are wonderful, for what has happened we've proven to be very strong. I am finding it hilarious that MS right now is the least of our problems, I thought MS could beat the shit outta me pretty good but apparently it has nothing on life itself.

Most things are clear and sometimes I'm stupid

Not stupid in a goofy way (that's a given) but I have been stupid with my health, I don't want to depend on medicine my entire life and the answers are very clear but I am choosing to take baby steps, I wish I were stronger though. Its ironic enough that I can't eat dairy and I live in Wisconsin, I don't mind being dairy free, but it seems that a lot of things cause my MS flare ups which aren't that bad (mainly surprise numbness somewhere! right now its in my right knee) but I know that things can be better. Its also ironic that I'm a baker and most of the things I make I should NOT eat, I could become one of those people that just bakes for others just to make them happy which would bring me joy as well but c'mon realisticly that's not fun allll the time. Just like the start of being dairy free, this could be a new adventure in the kitchen to come up with new recipes. Right now I am seeing MS triggers as stress and sweets! I plan to take baby steps to figure out MORE about my MS and I'd like to switch to natural sweeteners as well as cut back on gluten. I feel I'm being a little too picky on being "normal" again because I have come across many people that have it way worse than I do but truely everyone does have the answers somewhere. I feel very blessed that I've rebounded very well; I can walk normal, I can see and I can carry my boys.

Dairy FREE Oatmeal Pancakes

Filling, very easy, and HEALTHY!

Ingredients

2 cups oatmeal
1/2 cup flour
1 tsp salt
1 T baking powder
1 T brown sugar
1/2 tsp cinnamon
1 1/2 cups water
1 T veg. oil
1 T honey
1 egg (beaten)

Process 2 cups oatmeal until fine (it will always have some sort of rough texture), you can leave the oatmeal as is but the pancakes will be very thick.

Mix together oatmeal, flour, salt, baking powder, b.sugar, and cinnamon. Add water, oil, honey, and egg to dry mixture and combine well. On greased skillet pour 1/4 cup batter for each pancake, flip when bubbles start to appear (a few minutes, be careful not to flip too early as they can be fragile), once flipped cook approx. 2-3 minutes longer. Serve with your favorite syrup! Enjoy, this recipe make 12 pancakes.

**TIP** between batches cool the pan so the next batch doesn't cook too fast and become too thick.

I wanna have my cake and eat it too

Seriously! My "cake" is health and I still want to eat cake! Mainly talking about sweets and sugar, contemplating another diet change. I am feeling amazing with my dairy-free diet change, to me that was easy but I know I can still feel better. I've come across various diet change personal success stories and in most of those stories MORE than dairy was cut from their diets. As a baker I am honestly scared and being a big baby, I know the right answer but I am just plain chicken! My goal from the beginning of being diagnosed was to do EVERYTHING that I can, hitting MS from different angles and yet I know certain things I am putting into my body are bad ideas and a little further into that day I'm not gonna be feeling as good as I could be. So WHY am I having trouble with this? I am considering maybe a slow transition, but whats the point of that when I already know!

Everyone knows someone with MS

MS has come out in the open for me as if it were the ultimate 60 foot monster (why 60?, *shrug* its a # why not LOL), its a very complex and surprising monster that always has something up its sleeve, and MS has become so common that everyone know someone who has it, kinda hard to miss a monster that big. Its kind of like when we found out we were having twins, twins didn't seem as common to us at the time but now everyone is having twins or had them and we have a good amount on both sides of our family! MS on both sides too, yup that sucks doesn't it :P

We have 3 boys and often are asked are you going for "that girl next?".....hmmmm...probably not, I feel a bit selfish just wanting to work on bettering myself these days but also I feel as if I'm protecting "that girl" that might have been in our future. Studies have shown that MS effects women more than men, in my family alone there are 3 women living with MS! I'd rather not risk something like that for "that girl". Everything happens for a reason and I like to think things through and analyze, it makes sense to me :)

Forget about the backburner

I was thinking the other day about how MS is truely appart of me, it doesn't control me, I am still very much capable of being my active and busy self. I just need to be more aware...esspecially with my lack of ballance, falling sucks! LOL Everyday I feel like I am improving and to keep that going I can't just forget I have MS, I need to be active with staying healthy, sticking with my tight medicine schedule and dairy free diet (which I also learned the hard way I CAN'T cheat on....that leads to numbness in a surprise area lets say...could be my knee, could be part of my stomach?). So far I am doing very well with never missing a day that I need to give myself a shot, good thing I don't mind needles, I think my tattoos already showed that :) which I'm wayyyy overdue for another one.

My dairy free diet has led to some fun kitchen experiments; I now make my own dairy free cream soups to use in casseroles and other recipes. I've also had fun creating new recipes for healthiER desserts like brownies and other bars. Its actually quite easy to substitute dairy in recipes, I'm not really deprived of too many flavors at all.

I wish cookies could fix everything

So today was a very very long day, my Grandma is in the ICU because of complications from a recent surgery on her lungs. She started having problems Saturday night and I was at the hospital along with family all Sunday. I also had an MS check up with my Dr. today so after my appt. we headed back to the ICU to visit my grandma, who was sedated for her comfort and to make sure recovery goes smoother. Actually when we arrived today things were waring off so I was able to show her pictures of the boys and give her an update on random things which she seemed to enjoy as she was very alert to the pictures but then she was given a larger dose to sedate her again :( but I did enjoy the small amount of time she was kind of awake with me. As I said the day was long, we were at the hospital for 7hrs and then I came home to a disaster which always overwhelms me, I enjoy what I call "controlled chaos" LOL yup I'm a freak and I came home to everything OUT of my control. After reclaiming what I could of my home and the spew of toys all over the place I made butterscotch chip cookies (after I put the kids to bed :) and here I am now, cookies fixed my day and I would like to share the recipe with you....(whoever that may be LOL)

Butterscotch Chip Cookies

2 sticks (margarine or butter softened)

1 cup sugar

1/2 cup DARK brown sugar

2 eggs

1 tsp baking soda

1/2 tsp salt

1 tsp vanilla

3 cups flour

1 cup butterscotch chips

Cream together sugars and margarine til smooth; then mix in eggs, baking soda, salt, and vanilla. LAST add the flour and chips. Drop dough by tablespoons onto UN-greased cookie sheet and then flatten dough w/ your palm a little bit (so the cookies aren't puffy), bake at 375" for 7-8 minutes or until edges are light brown. Cool and enjoy!

*forgot a ME update, the appt. went well, nothing new which is great, I am feeling very good, my eyes have adjusted to the prisms in my glasses and my diet is still going strong; my mom actually asked me durring lunch today "What is it about Alfredo Pasta you can't have? " LOL my mom needs a cooking lesson...the answer to that EVERYTHING about it! I can eat it if I make it w/ soy milk but that's not your regular Alfredo sauce :P

"normals" change, you just need to adapt

My husband commented on my balance last night as I was just standing and that he can really notice the improvement..."You just have a little sway going on".....I then reply, " huh, I didn't even notice that, I guess I'm just use to it. But I do feel quite normal again."

I have also gotten use to tingling and numbness in my fingers its pretty much constant and worse at night, sometimes if I wake up in the middle of the night which happens when you have two 16 month old (hard to believe I know LOL), I can't feel my fingers at all! So when that happens, it just is what it is and maybe I am gambling with the thought that things will will be fine by morning, lets say I am use to it and I'm calling my body's bluff :)

well I don't have quads just bad eyes :P

I had an opthomologist appt. today, I was warned that it was going to be long (approx 3 HOURS!) I should've been warned that doctors underestimate, it took 5 HOURS :( it was crazy boring and annoying. My 1st wait in between Dr's was the longest; I am always busy thinking about thing but this was nuts, I had the questions going through my head "Did they forget about me?"..."Did I miss something?"..."Am I supposed to know to go somewhere else? ect... and it didn't help that I heard busy commotion outside the door like a well timed intricate system that I WASN'T apart of :( I'm sure your curious on why I was there in the first place? I have been having lots of vision problems and my eyes seeing double at random and the distance on which doubling starts would fluctuate too, sometimes I could see well 15ft before I saw double, others times I only had 2ft. So by the end of this appt. my eyes were more tired and irritated than ever; they put dye in my eyes, dilated them, numbed them, did an ultrasound and took pictures! My eyes are now adjusting to a prism in my left lens of my glasses in hopes to get my problem corrected; the Dr also reviewed my MRI pictures and believes that a lesion in my brain (due to MS) is affecting my left eye. My wonderful husband came along for the appt. as well, cause driving is practically impossible for me right now unless I cover one eye (that's a little dangerous don't you think?), I felt so bad for him waiting and waiting for my endless appt to be over AND to top that off he made me dinner tonight too, he's amazing and I love him so much.

Eggnog Cream Pie

Eggnog Cream Pie

1- 9" baked pie crust (if you have extra pie dough, cut & bake a festive shape to decorate the top of the pie)

3/4 cup sugar

1/3 cup flour

dash of salt

1/4 tsp nutmeg

2 cups milk (regular OR soy)

3 egg yolks (beaten and sitting aside)

2 T butter

1tsp vanilla

In sauce pan mix together sugar, flour, salt, and nutmeg; then stir in milk, stir constantly over medium heat (regular stirring makes for a smoother filling). Once the mixture starts to bubble cook for 2 more minutes. After the 2 minutes, remove from heat and stir a little bit of the hot mixture into the egg yolks then add egg mixture back to the sauce pan; return to heat and once the filling starts to bubble cook for 3 more minutes, remove from heat and mix in vanilla and butter til smooth. Pour filling into baked pie shell, chill for a few hours before serving, ENJOY and Happy Holidays!

Apple Pumpkin Pie

Apple Pumpkin Pie (preheat oven to 400degrees)

single pie crust pressed and pinched into 9" pie pan

Apple Layer

2 med apples peeled and sliced

1/4 cup sugar

2 tsps flour

1/4 tsp cinnamon

Mix all the apple layer ingrediants and place in bottom of pie.

Pumpkin filling

1 cup pumpkin (fresh or canned)

6 oz evap. milk OR use soy milk like me if you can't have dairy :)

1/2 cup brown sugar

2 eggs(beaten)

1/4 tsp cinnamon

1/4 tsp ginger

1/4 tsp nutmeg

dash of cloves

1/4 tsp salt

Mix all pumpkin filling ingrediants until well combined then pour over the apple layer. Bake @ 400 degrees for approx. 40 mins or until pie slighty jiggles and knife comes out clean. Enjoy this festive combo warm or cold!

Winter is here yet it is not

Officialy it will be winter on Dec.21st BUT it sure feels like winter has come in full force. We just had a big snow storm and got up to 15" and today's high is 16, we have yet to get to todays low even, they say the low is 6 degrees but we've been at about 2 all morning LOL.



Holiday baking has begun! In the last 2 days I've made 7 pies for the freezer, 3 apple and 3 apple pumpkin (which I'm very excited for :) recently I also made an eggnog cream pie, very yummy! My goal is to make my Christmas pies ahead of time when I have the ingrediants on hand, can you tell what I've had an abundance of LOL.



The boys are doing well, Korvin is working his way on to Santa's good list and this Saturday he will see him, Korvin is very excited about all things Christmas this year. Although he's a bit confused, whenever it snows he thinks that it must be Christmas day; we are counting down though with our mouse advent calendar, which is one of my favorite Christmas traditions cause its the same calendar that was at my Grandma's when I was a kid. Blake amd Barrett are doing well, Barrett is more of a talker and Blake is so generous, he's always bringing his brothers their loveys, so sweet.

There's lots of hope

Lately I have felt great! Things are improving everyday, I am now up to the full dose of Rebif as well as taking Gabapentin for current symptoms. I am following through with my goal of hitting MS at different angles, I've changed my diet, do yoga everyday and take medicine. I can break down how all of those help and work together; yoga keeps me flexible and stretched and the areas that may be numb respond in a positive way; I ve cut dairy out of my diet and in the times that I cheated proved that my MS is set off by dairy; and meds...the rebif is a long term medicine that doesn't help with the symptoms I already had but I have noticed LOTS of improvment cause of the Gabapentin, my walking and balance has improved soooo much which was what was bothering me the most.

I feel confident that I will be back to myself if things keep improving like they are. What is "myself"? Answer: very active! I feel that I've figured lots of thing out and lots of little things I can do, I just need to stay on track.

too many symptoms!

MS is too damn complex! I continue to be surprised by symptoms and things being affected that I would've never considered. I get false skin sensations like hot/cold patches and terribly itchy areas & then actually going to itch makes it WORSE and makes me shiver, its so hard to describe; I could deal if this would just stay at random numbness....I can deal w/ that :P





My balance is still off, my vision is weak & double at times BUT on a good note I am now on medicine which obviously isn't helping anything yet and I am sticking w/ my dairy free diet pretty well.





Blake and Barrett turned 1 one 9/14, we had a nice family party w/ their favorite foods, cupcakes and presents.





Korvin is very excited about turning 3 on 11/17, he wants to have a football party and is looking forward to a football cake too, that will be fun :)


Haven't been out enjoying fall as I normaly would be but the fall harvest has been enjoyed in the kitchen; it has be fun to bake with fresh pumpkin (recently I made pumpkin pancakes !)

We had a good run at it

In a way I am slowly getting my body back, not anything related w/ MS anyway, that will always have me but what I'm talking about is my babies Blake & Barrett who are weaning from breastfeeding. B&B only nurse at bedtime and take sippies during the day; they are almost 1 years old and I went with child lead weaning....just so happens that they have the same thing in mind with each other...maybe its twin thing weird! LOL

I have mixed feelings because they are my last babies :( I feel very proud that I breastfed twins for 1 year and I am selfishly :P excited to reclaim my body, no more annoying nursing bras, looking forward to smaller boobs, and I won't have to watch what I eat for their sake...only my own.

Maybe the timing is perfect because soon and FINALLY I will be meeting with a neurologist to figure out treatment for my MS and not having to figure out medicine around breastfeeding might be easier.

4yrs of Marriage!

Happy anniversary to the love of my life Tom :) We've been married 4yrs now and WOW look at where we are now.

I expected that we'd have a kid or 2 but 3 in 4 yrs kinda blows my mind a little, although we did hit a buy one get one free special with Blake & Barrett LOL . I never expected that I'd be dealing with MS either and now I have my days where my body feels way older than it is and now I just look back at how healthy I use to feel 4yrs ago or even 1 year ago. Still very positive though and still coping naturally, no meds yet, which has me curious if whatever I end up on will make me feel much different than what things have been like lately.....numbness/ tingling in random spots, joint weakness, and fatigue. Heat takes its toll on me and I notice a big change on the cooler and breezy days. Today is pleasant, we had light rain in the morning just like on our wedding day, which brought smiles and great memories.

Some multiple are peaceful

No lie, unlike MS with its random little surprises, my twins Blake and Barrett deserve a little bragging. I like to call them B&B for short and they are such great and amazingly GOOD babies! Soon my babies will be 1 and its been a very smooth ride with them. They're very curious boys that love to just crawl around and explore at home, they sleep well and wake up so happy, and when were out and about with them in the stroller they are are very patient and content. As I was nursing them before putting them to bed last night I couldn't help but think how they see their older brother Korvin, I picture him as a CRAZY reality show to them and I hope they're thinking "I won't do that when I'm his age". LOL

Most people would probably think that its twins that keep me on my toes but its actually my toddler, honestly he is a tight ball of energy that is going and going non stop and that direction he's going in is usualy to something naughty. Korvin is so smart and advanced for his age, I'm proud to say he knows his alphabet, numbers, colors, shapes and all those other basics but only if he could learn from all the naughty things I have to stop him from doing alllll the time, things would be fantastic!

Savory Zucchini Pancakes

2 cups shredded zucchini

1/4 cup green onions

2 eggs

1/2 cup flour

1tsp baking powder

1/2 tsp dried basil

1/2 tsp dried oregano

1/2 tsp seasoned salt

pepper to taste

1 T olive oil

Place shredded zucchini in a clean and dry dish towel; wringe out as much of the juice as you can. Combine all ingrediants, mix well. Cook the batter just like any other pancake on med. heat on a greased griddle. I scooped out my batter by 1/4 cups and made 6 pancakes. Flip pancakes after a few minutes, each side should be golden.

Since I don't eat dairy I enjoyed mine with ketchup, but it would have been nice for me with a dollap of soy sour cream.

Figuring things out

I've been figuring things out, well not completely, no one has done that :P

I'm still going strong with my dairy free diet and it seems to be treating me very well. I've also found that reg. coffee tends to set things off for me, a major bummer to a coffee lover; so with that I now start my mornings with tea AND I only treat myself to coffee once in awhile.

I have been having so much fun in the kitchen lately, changing recipes to dairy free and using my harvest of zucchini :) I froze some zuchini to play with another time and I've also made more bread, zucchini brownies, cookies, savory pancakes, and this weekend we will have sweet zucchini pancakes for breakfast.