Friday, April 9, 2010

Just left with questions

So, way toooo many things have happened and continue to go on and now I am just left with questions......

How low will people go?
Are there any decent people left in the world?
When is enough...enough already?
When have we had enough?
How much can I take?
What will happen next? Will it be good or bad?
When will we get our break?
Does someone have to fall in order for someone else to get a break?

and ultimately ....When does having hope pay off?

My kids and husband are wonderful, for what has happened we've proven to be very strong. I am finding it hilarious that MS right now is the least of our problems, I thought MS could beat the shit outta me pretty good but apparently it has nothing on life itself.

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Most things are clear and sometimes I'm stupid

Not stupid in a goofy way (that's a given) but I have been stupid with my health, I don't want to depend on medicine my entire life and the answers are very clear but I am choosing to take baby steps, I wish I were stronger though. Its ironic enough that I can't eat dairy and I live in Wisconsin, I don't mind being dairy free, but it seems that a lot of things cause my MS flare ups which aren't that bad (mainly surprise numbness somewhere! right now its in my right knee) but I know that things can be better. Its also ironic that I'm a baker and most of the things I make I should NOT eat, I could become one of those people that just bakes for others just to make them happy which would bring me joy as well but c'mon realisticly that's not fun allll the time. Just like the start of being dairy free, this could be a new adventure in the kitchen to come up with new recipes. Right now I am seeing MS triggers as stress and sweets! I plan to take baby steps to figure out MORE about my MS and I'd like to switch to natural sweeteners as well as cut back on gluten. I feel I'm being a little too picky on being "normal" again because I have come across many people that have it way worse than I do but truely everyone does have the answers somewhere. I feel very blessed that I've rebounded very well; I can walk normal, I can see and I can carry my boys.

Sunday, February 28, 2010

Dairy FREE Oatmeal Pancakes

Filling, very easy, and HEALTHY!


2 cups oatmeal
1/2 cup flour
1 tsp salt
1 T baking powder
1 T brown sugar
1/2 tsp cinnamon
1 1/2 cups water
1 T veg. oil
1 T honey
1 egg (beaten)

Process 2 cups oatmeal until fine (it will always have some sort of rough texture), you can leave the oatmeal as is but the pancakes will be very thick.

Mix together oatmeal, flour, salt, baking powder, b.sugar, and cinnamon. Add water, oil, honey, and egg to dry mixture and combine well. On greased skillet pour 1/4 cup batter for each pancake, flip when bubbles start to appear (a few minutes, be careful not to flip too early as they can be fragile), once flipped cook approx. 2-3 minutes longer. Serve with your favorite syrup! Enjoy, this recipe make 12 pancakes.

**TIP** between batches cool the pan so the next batch doesn't cook too fast and become too thick.

Saturday, February 27, 2010

I wanna have my cake and eat it too

Seriously! My "cake" is health and I still want to eat cake! Mainly talking about sweets and sugar, contemplating another diet change. I am feeling amazing with my dairy-free diet change, to me that was easy but I know I can still feel better. I've come across various diet change personal success stories and in most of those stories MORE than dairy was cut from their diets. As a baker I am honestly scared and being a big baby, I know the right answer but I am just plain chicken! My goal from the beginning of being diagnosed was to do EVERYTHING that I can, hitting MS from different angles and yet I know certain things I am putting into my body are bad ideas and a little further into that day I'm not gonna be feeling as good as I could be. So WHY am I having trouble with this? I am considering maybe a slow transition, but whats the point of that when I already know!

Friday, February 26, 2010

Everyone knows someone with MS

MS has come out in the open for me as if it were the ultimate 60 foot monster (why 60?, *shrug* its a # why not LOL), its a very complex and surprising monster that always has something up its sleeve, and MS has become so common that everyone know someone who has it, kinda hard to miss a monster that big. Its kind of like when we found out we were having twins, twins didn't seem as common to us at the time but now everyone is having twins or had them and we have a good amount on both sides of our family! MS on both sides too, yup that sucks doesn't it :P

We have 3 boys and often are asked are you going for "that girl next?".....hmmmm...probably not, I feel a bit selfish just wanting to work on bettering myself these days but also I feel as if I'm protecting "that girl" that might have been in our future. Studies have shown that MS effects women more than men, in my family alone there are 3 women living with MS! I'd rather not risk something like that for "that girl". Everything happens for a reason and I like to think things through and analyze, it makes sense to me :)

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Forget about the backburner

I was thinking the other day about how MS is truely appart of me, it doesn't control me, I am still very much capable of being my active and busy self. I just need to be more aware...esspecially with my lack of ballance, falling sucks! LOL Everyday I feel like I am improving and to keep that going I can't just forget I have MS, I need to be active with staying healthy, sticking with my tight medicine schedule and dairy free diet (which I also learned the hard way I CAN'T cheat on....that leads to numbness in a surprise area lets say...could be my knee, could be part of my stomach?). So far I am doing very well with never missing a day that I need to give myself a shot, good thing I don't mind needles, I think my tattoos already showed that :) which I'm wayyyy overdue for another one.

My dairy free diet has led to some fun kitchen experiments; I now make my own dairy free cream soups to use in casseroles and other recipes. I've also had fun creating new recipes for healthiER desserts like brownies and other bars. Its actually quite easy to substitute dairy in recipes, I'm not really deprived of too many flavors at all.

Monday, January 11, 2010

I wish cookies could fix everything

So today was a very very long day, my Grandma is in the ICU because of complications from a recent surgery on her lungs. She started having problems Saturday night and I was at the hospital along with family all Sunday. I also had an MS check up with my Dr. today so after my appt. we headed back to the ICU to visit my grandma, who was sedated for her comfort and to make sure recovery goes smoother. Actually when we arrived today things were waring off so I was able to show her pictures of the boys and give her an update on random things which she seemed to enjoy as she was very alert to the pictures but then she was given a larger dose to sedate her again :( but I did enjoy the small amount of time she was kind of awake with me. As I said the day was long, we were at the hospital for 7hrs and then I came home to a disaster which always overwhelms me, I enjoy what I call "controlled chaos" LOL yup I'm a freak and I came home to everything OUT of my control. After reclaiming what I could of my home and the spew of toys all over the place I made butterscotch chip cookies (after I put the kids to bed :) and here I am now, cookies fixed my day and I would like to share the recipe with you....(whoever that may be LOL)
Butterscotch Chip Cookies
2 sticks (margarine or butter softened)
1 cup sugar
1/2 cup DARK brown sugar
2 eggs
1 tsp baking soda
1/2 tsp salt
1 tsp vanilla
3 cups flour
1 cup butterscotch chips
Cream together sugars and margarine til smooth; then mix in eggs, baking soda, salt, and vanilla. LAST add the flour and chips. Drop dough by tablespoons onto UN-greased cookie sheet and then flatten dough w/ your palm a little bit (so the cookies aren't puffy), bake at 375" for 7-8 minutes or until edges are light brown. Cool and enjoy!
*forgot a ME update, the appt. went well, nothing new which is great, I am feeling very good, my eyes have adjusted to the prisms in my glasses and my diet is still going strong; my mom actually asked me durring lunch today "What is it about Alfredo Pasta you can't have? " LOL my mom needs a cooking lesson...the answer to that EVERYTHING about it! I can eat it if I make it w/ soy milk but that's not your regular Alfredo sauce :P

Thursday, January 7, 2010

"normals" change, you just need to adapt

My husband commented on my balance last night as I was just standing and that he can really notice the improvement..."You just have a little sway going on".....I then reply, " huh, I didn't even notice that, I guess I'm just use to it. But I do feel quite normal again."

I have also gotten use to tingling and numbness in my fingers its pretty much constant and worse at night, sometimes if I wake up in the middle of the night which happens when you have two 16 month old (hard to believe I know LOL), I can't feel my fingers at all! So when that happens, it just is what it is and maybe I am gambling with the thought that things will will be fine by morning, lets say I am use to it and I'm calling my body's bluff :)